Entering the room I wiped the tears off of my face, flung my cleats across the room in frustration and curled up in my bed, sad, angry and lonely. In life we often come across a situation where we become overwhelmed by our emotions and act without thinking. Our conscience simply staring at our worldly actions from a window afar.
Football has always been an activity more than a hobby for me, it is a passion that lights the candle that is my heart. Therefore when I run up and down the pitch, I do not simply kick the ball but I canvass my emotions. 10th October, 2023, a year ago from today was the final decider match for the trophy in the biggest tournament in Mumbai. I recall it as it were yesterday, I woke up anxious, nervous and excited. There was an unusual weight of responsibility that lay on my shoulders that particular day, I took it on myself to lead my team to victory and success. Right from warm up I began overexerting myself, I felt the blood coursing through my veins, I began zoning out and took a break from reality and took a few seconds to ponder, what would happen if we did not win it all, sacrificed, persevered and came this far, just to lose the finals.
Breaking the trail of my deep thought the referee sounded his whistle to call us into the pitch, THE MATCH WAS FINALLY STARTING. Nervous, I went to empty my bladder before the match. Light as a feather I took my position on the pitch ready to give my opponents the fight of their lives. The match took a fast paced start, the opponent team launched carefully planned coordinated attacks, but we held through. The match continued, with the ball remaining in our half we were already pressurized, but the opponents finally got their big break. Our defense slipped up, before we knew it we conceded a goal right before the half time whistle. After enduring 45 minutes of brutal attacks our entire team collapsed to the ground trying to catch their breath.
We were lectured and inspired by our coaches before we entered the pitch for the second half. The ball continued to remain in our half but we continued to endure it. We were faced with a golden opportunity when our keeper volleyed the ball into their half where I received it. The goal right in front of me and the only thing stopping me was an opposing team's defender and goalkeeper. I sprinted with the ball, whizzing past the defender I headed for the goal. Like a horse with blinkers I only saw the goal in front of me, not realizing the defender slide tackling me from the back. Pummeling to the ground, face first, I screamed in agony. Seething with anger cloaked in frustration and vengeance I rose up and pounced on him. It was not until my team's goalkeeper held me back that I realized my ill fitted actions that had not only resulted in me receiving a red card but also losing my team a goal winning chance.
I could not face my team after the match, I ran to the car and begged my parents to take me home. I was the reason for the loss of my team, and that I could not bear. Even if I came back a changed man I would still carry this guilt on my shoulder forever. This experience not only has left me with better emotional maturity but also a greater understanding of the saying, “think before you act”.
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