The wait was the worst part.
That was the feeling that echoed through me as I watched the giant piece of rock hurling at me, gaining speed, falling faster and faster, ready to destroy the home I had built. As I braced for the impact of what was to come, I remembered.
Years after I was created, I realized I was different from the others. They seemed so still, so lifeless in our dull solar system. They didn’t seem to care if they were burning or freezing, or if a new moon had graced their orbit. But I cared. I saw the Sun’s brilliant flame, when I just knew. I had to create something that was beautiful. Something that could bring joy. Something that could keep me company in this dull universe. Something… alive.
Therefore, I built my surface very carefully, tending to every part of it with love, so as to create a home for my creatures. I was rather fond of the foliage. They were so green and vibrant with joy. I suppose they were the ones I was most proud of. They gave without being asked, they helped without taking anything in return. They nurtured, nourished and even looked after all the creatures who roamed my surface.
As the organisms grew in number, I felt my boredom grow. The same old routine for them every day. Everything seemed still, as if time had paused. That was when I came up with the idea of evolution. Over centuries, I changed the environments they lived in. I watched with marvel as some grew fur, some changed shape and posture, and others created new species entirely. It was then that I began to feel the need for something large, something magnificent and huge. Dinosaurs!
My dear, dear dinosaurs ruled my planet. They were creatures of great beauty, who taught others how to survive. Some were docile, with huge appearances and soft hearts. They survived on the greenery around them. Others, not so much. The concept of the life cycle was thus born. As a species multiplied, the number of predators after them also grew. My creatures became more intelligent and developed a fight or flight intuition. I had never felt prouder.
Then I felt that it was all about to go away. Everything I worked for, everything I had created, was going to disappear. I could not bear to see it. Yet, there it was. The end of it all.
It took me many millennia to recover from the pain of what I had lost. I did not want to create again, to love something only to have it destroyed in front of me. But as I moved, slowly and quietly, on my usual orbit around the Sun, I felt my anguish give way to desire. The desire to feel that kind of love again, to watch life grow and rise to heights of beauty. And despite a huge part of me being unable to bear the loss (quite literally, a large part of my surface had been destroyed), I decided to try again.
This time, I started small. One plant, maybe two. Until, eventually my entire surface was just a jungle of foliage and water. Then I tried to bring back a few of my previous creations. Some of them survived, but others seemed untrue to their predecessors. They reminded me too much of my past failures, my inability to protect my home. So, with a heavy heart but strong will, I drove them into extinction.
When I created humans, I noticed that they were unlike any other creature I had made before. They were somehow, very much like me. They were thinkers, inventors! I was overjoyed when they learned how to create fire. They had so much potential!
After this came the speech. They conveyed emotions, thoughts, and ideas to each other through sounds. They created words with meaning. Then came the settlements. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before. All creatures so far had been migratory. I kept changing environments, forcing them to move. However, these humans were stubborn. They built houses, transformed them into homes, built cities, monuments. They left a mark. They created history!
When the first trees were cut to build cities, I felt guilty. They did it willingly, by choice. But all creatures were hunted. It was only natural that trees should face a foe one day. Afterall, there were so many trees that the humans were probably doing me a favour!
Slowly, their knowledge grew. They learned my secrets, how I created things. They began making things of their own. I became careless, assuming that because I had made them, they were good, and that they would carry out my duty with righteousness. For the first time, I was wrong.
When the first animals were bred to be killed for consumption, when the first forests were burned to the ground in the name of ‘civilization’, when the first sword of death was raised of its own kind, I should have known. I should have seen that they had become bigger, more powerful than me. I should have realized that they did not seek the greater good, but the personal gain. I should have realized that something I created would not always remain loyal, something that had learnt evolution would not always remain true to its roots. I should have realized!
I think I have always known that one day, I would come to an end. I never thought that it would be by the hands of something I had loved and cared for so much. So, I sit here in silence, ready for the curtains to fall.
The wait is the worst part.
Mother earth
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